We’ve got a great feature from Motivational Speaker and Success Coach Lisa Cybaniak with her 4 steps on how to change your life… to learn how to change your perspective and ultimately learn how to love yourself.
Learning to Love Yourself
On the surface, learning how to love yourself seems simple. You just do it, don’t you? Tell me then, when things go wrong in your day, what is your first response? Is it to blame yourself, tell yourself you knew you couldn’t do it anyway, throw in the towel and pretend like it really didn’t matter?
Or maybe it is to ask ‘why me?’ and feel like despite your best efforts, nothing ever turns out the way you planned? Or worse yet, maybe you sabotage yourself in little ways without even realizing it – not completing a task, not putting in full effort, not showing up, not studying for that test/exam – just so that when you fail, it’s not a surprise, because wouldn’t it be so much worse to complete that task with your full effort and attention, putting forth your best foot, only to not succeed?
After all, success is everything, right? Wait a second though…. What is success? Does that mean things have to go perfectly the first time, or can you still be successful if you faced struggles head on, made mistakes and learned from them?
I’m asking a whole lot of questions here, but they are not pointless. Success is directly linked to our value of ourselves. If you related to any of the above, then maybe there is room for you to learn how to change your thoughts, love yourself, and then go after the life you deserve, mistakes and all.
So, let’s get down to the nitty gritty… HOW? How do you make these changes?
Learning how to change your life in 4 steps:
Who are you?
First and foremost, you need to truly see yourself for who you are. If you are focused on the negative, than you need to find the positive, first and foremost! Despite all your flaws, you have positives, and lots of them! What worked for me was making a ‘things I’m grateful for’ list EVERY day. Add to your list every single day until you can start recognizing these positives when they happen AND appreciate them.
Why are you doing the things you are doing?
Everything we do, we do for a reason – we get something from it. What are you getting? What are you getting out of sabotaging yourself, giving up on something you really wanted, telling yourself you couldn’t do it anyway, or not putting in your full effort? It must be something or you wouldn’t do it. Find out. You can’t change your thought patterns if you don’t first acknowledge them and then challenge yourself on why they are there in the first place.
What do you deserve?
I was choosing these emotionally unavailable men back in my twenties All. The. Time. Eventually, I realized I was sabotaging myself in this way because I didn’t think I deserved better. All this work I had done to move past the abuse and accept myself, and I didn’t love myself enough to feel I deserved a caring, loving, supportive relationship! Ridiculous! Enough is enough. You need to sit down and make a list of what you deserve. Start with the basics – love, respect, acceptance, and then move on to a bigger plan – what do you deserve out of life? You deserve the best, now what does that look like?
Recognize opportunities as they present themselves.
I believe you can’t make the wrong decision – if you make a decision that diverts you from your correct path, you will have every opportunity to get back on track. How long it takes depends on you. I recommend writing another list (I’m a list maker, can you tell?), one where you reflect on your day at try to spot the opportunities, whether they were missed at the time, or grabbed. What about the difficulties you faced today? If you cannot see how they might be benefitting you, write them down, perhaps on a separate list. I bet you will look back on that list in a few days, weeks, months, or even years and see their purpose. We don’t always recognize an opportunity in the moment, but once you get the hang of it, you will see them everywhere!
An Experiment for Change!
Would it be worth it to try a little experiment? Spend the next month with absolute purpose.
Apply all the things you have learned about yourself so far, and all the hard work you have done. Acknowledge and appreciate all your positives, recognize what you are getting from your actions and reactions, and determine ALL the things you deserve.
Last but not least, look for all the opportunities in each day. You will turn your positive thoughts into reality by taking advantage of the opportunities before you!
“You need to sit down and make a list of what you deserve. Start with the basics – love, respect, acceptance, and then move on to a bigger plan – what do you deserve out of life? You deserve the best, now what does that look like?”
Lisa Cybaniak is a Motivational Speaker and Success Coach who empowers women to find their personal purpose after abuse, to build the life they deserve.
Driven to shed the stigma of being abused by breaking her silence, Lisa uses her experiences of recovery from 10 years of child abuse to help others overcome their obstacles, redefining not only their career goals, but their mindset.
Lisa’s focus is on teaching the power of understanding our core beliefs (often stemming from childhood), to make key changes, causing ground breaking transformation.
To book Lisa to speak at your event, or to see how she can help you process your unique journey and transform your life to one of meaning, love and ultimate happiness, visit her website. You deserve it!