How many times a day do you think you make decisions about your life and business that are based on a lack of trust or confidence in yourself? And how much do you think this is costing you?
We all know what it is like to look back on something in our past with shame, guilt, or embarrassment and wish we would have made a different choice. Why did we not do this, or say that? Why could we not have been sure of ourselves or more worldly?
Reframing your Perspective
But did you really let yourself down with those past experiences? Think about it. Given what you knew about the situation, the world, yourself and other people, and given the tools you had in your bag of tricks at that time, did you not do the best you could at the time?
Sure, it is easy to look back on those times now, knowing what we now know about life, and judge ourselves for not knowing better. But since we did not know better, can we not find a way to be proud of ourselves for how we handled it under the circumstances?
The truth is these experiences in life are an opportunity to learn and grow. And we always have a chance to reflect and do just that. When we can have a second look with fresh eyes, we reframe our past experience, going from shame and remorse to pride and trust within ourselves.
Since our unconscious mind is remembering every single experience in an effort to protect us, reframing our perspective is vital if we ever want to actually grow and inch towards the outer walls of our comfort zone.
What would you say to your best friend or loved one coming to you, ashamed of a past reaction or decision?
Most of us would never even think of judging them. Instead, we would comfort them, explain to them that we know they are a good person, with a full heart, who did what they felt they needed to do in that moment given the circumstances.
Whether it was a bad decision about a relationship or how to cope with a traumatic event or life stresses in general, they did the best they could at the time.
If you can speak to your friend with such compassion, love, respect and empathy, can you not do the same for yourself?
Learn from Your Mistakes
When you realise that you are always making the best decisions for yourself in the moment, and reflect on those embarrassing moments with empathy, love and respect for yourself, you are sending a message to your unconscious mind that that experience was not the terrible experience you once thought it was. In fact, an experience has the ability to shift from negative to positive.
That is how you know you have learned from that mistake – when you put your hand on your heart and be grateful for the experience as you now have a better understanding of yourself, what you need, and what you want.
Trust the Process
So, when you are faced with having to make a similar decision, or are faced with a similar situation, perhaps one that requires risk or puts you outside of your comfort zone, your unconscious mind no longer needs to compare this experience to that negative experience from the past. Not because it did not happen, but because it is no longer viewed as negative.
Instead of making impulse decisions based on your fear of repeating past mistakes, costing you on every level, you will be making educated decisions based on what is best for you now.
And that means that you will be more likely to reflect on your options, and make the best decision for you, knowing that tomorrow is another day. If you wake up tomorrow and decide you wished your decision had been different, then you can regroup. There is always the opportunity to start heading in a new direction.
Believe in Yourself
That is what confidence, respect, and trust in yourself looks like. You do not have all the answers, and you do not need to. Embrace the life you have led, mistakes and all. Learn from them and allow yourself to be amazed by YOU.
Lisa Cybaniak is a Reiki Master, Certified Belief Clearing and NLP Practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Author of Survivor to Warrior, Speaker and Host of the Life, like you mean it! Podcast. Empowering others to make the most of their lives by understanding themselves and getting out of their own way to success, is in her DNA!
Lisa’s story of survival from 10-years of child abuse, and the work she does to shed the stigma while empowering others to heal, grow, learn and transcend, is life-changing. A finalist for the NLP Practitioner of the Year Award in 2019, Lisa works with people suffering from negative, self-defeating mantras and belief systems standing in their way of building the life they truly deserve.